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by : Anonymous | written on :07/08/2008 | permalink

wilde pissen

I got a god damn fine

After an ill-fated trip to Andorra for what was meant to be a season working and snowboarding in the mountains, but actually turned into 10 days sleeping in a VW Golf with 2 other men at -10 degrees, we ended up in Amsterdam.

A final send-off for what had been, up to that point, a bit of a disasterous trip. We thought let's cut our loses and go have some fun for a couple of days. So, after 10 days of very little sleep we set off on our road trip to Holland.

Now, I was one of the two drivers of this vehicle and we drove shifts all the way non-stop through France and Belgium (and maybe somewhere else) until we reached the city of Amsterdam; 12 hours of constant driving later.

Our first idea was to try and camp, it was the middle of Winter and we were/are very stupid, but it was the cheapest option so off we went. We arrived at the campsite tired and in desperate need for the toilet. The place looked empty and uninhabited, the gates were locked and there was no sign of anyone. It was in the middle of a slightly wooded area so we thought it would be a good opportunity to empty ourselves of the however-many-cups of coffee we had consumed to stop ourselves falling asleep and crashing the car.

We ducked behind some trees and just as I was about to let rip, a guy came out from nowhere telling us to get the hell out of there in a torrent of abuse. We zipped up with our bladders still full and jumped in the car and headed towards the city centre in a panic.

By the time we got parked I was absolutely bursting and made a pathetic rush from fast food joint to cafe trying to find a toilet, but to no avail. Everywhere was either locked up or occupied. One of my friends was in a very similar situation and spotted a side alley with some boarded up shops. Great, lets go in there. Off we skipped towards the doorway, unzipped and let rip. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it was good.

Then the attack started. We both found ourselves being kicked from behind by 2 people on bikes, locals we thought, not happy with our actions, but on closer inspection the uniforms told a very different story. STOP PISSING!!! They were shouting at us. STOP PISSING!!!! They were still shouting. My friend stopped but I couldn't. I was now being shaken. I don't know if you have ever been shaken while you are trying to urinate, but it's not very fun, especially by an angry Dutch police officer. So there I was pissing all over my shoes trying to tell the officer that I couldn't stop when my friend butted in with the immortal word - just piss yourself. The officer seemed to like that ideas. YES!!! PISS YOURSELF!!! I have very few morals but I wasn't going to piss myself that was for sure and I was confident that although I was being roughed up a little nothing really bad could happen to me.

I soon reached a point were I was back in control of my bodily fluids and was able to stop the flow long enough to be escorted to the local police station and fined 30 euros. Happy memories...

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