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by : gabu | written on :08/06/2009 | permalink

online love affair dissappointments

I've been dumped

Please i need a little care, a little understanding, i am still feeling a little down but will get over it. It all started on friend finder.com i screened pretty well those who are interested on me. I have a good profile and everything i have there was all honest from my side. Until i finallly got to choose one person. I was in Norway that time though i met quite a few of scandanvian guys but we dont have a connection at all. There was this one particular guy i met through FF that sweep me off my feet. We had a great connection, well emotionally we connect plus he can also make me laugh, but the catch we never meet in person. Long story, short we had a relationship. From chatting to mails to phonecalls and to webcamming. We both wish we could meet in person, we planned and lookin forward to it to come. One year passed and still we are getting stronger, though all the plans of meeting keep postponed but we never lack communicating each other. We talked almost everyday, day or night and also chat with web cams. We even had SOP (sex on phone; geez i never knew this before not until he introduced it to me.) and cyber sex playing on cam, i know it also gross me out now. But if you`re doing it with someone you love you wont mind, and no i am not out of my mind I love him that i want to do it also plus we are two all grown up and matured individuals...

In the middle of second year in our relationship i went back home tomy country of origin, we still have communication but i felt were drifting apart slowly. I told him about it too we did tried to make it work out, i mean the communication we are still both committed to our online love affair. Then one day while i got emergency i needed assitance then my account was on time deposit so i canot withdraw cash right away and i got nobody to went into so i approach him to barrow certain amount but for weeks i never heard from him, no even a reply. After i settled my problem i went online and apologized for asking him about money, but take note i didnt just ask it for free i ask to barrow money which i will be paying back. He told me he got sick and had an emergency as well, he said he had a by pass surgery so i apologized for bothering him though, he said nothing about my money matters. I was fine with it and was wishing i was beside him during this time. Our relationship after this month grew even closer. The communication was better but on our second year anniversay he didnt even bother to greet me or to call me even an offline message. I was feeling down of course, i always believed in TRUST and we both have that. There is no other party on my side nor on his. And forgot to mention we were engaged second quarter of 2008 and we are both committed to each other. After our anniversary we rarely talk and he dont even mentioned about our anniversary, this time everything was focus on him and his recovering health, and i understand that. I LOVE HIM sooo much that i forget how to feel when you`re forgotten. My birthday came and i dont even get a call or even an offline message. My sister and aunt keeps asking me if he called me already, my friends who also knew him keep asking about us. I got made up storied that his brother called me and that he got a mild heart attack but i was crying deep inside...

Two months prior to my birthday, we had a talked about our health mine and his. He knows about my health status and i know also about his and that is not a problem. But since we are far from each other i longed to concieve and i am preparing for this for quite sometime now. I happened to be not so blessed with my female reproductive organs, my doctor told me if i want to concieve i must start soon or never, and this is pressure for me knowing my lover is in other parts of the world. We talked about it one day till we reach an abortion topic, for so long we didnt have any argument only this one subject that even until now i still can`t believe we lost communication because of this, ABORTION. I happen to not agree with abortion, catholic and christian or not i am against abortion,dont get me wrong i was born with catholic parents, baptized with catholic and became a born again Christian only me in the family. Sorry if i dont abide christian rules after all i am only human. But please do not judge me for my wrong doings. I already knew i am a ba person and that is enough to condemn my self.

Last month we talked again after maybe2 months of not really talking. I was sick for nearly 3 weeks and still i never heard from him, no phone call and no offline messages not even an sms. So there we are online chatting he asked me who took care of me while i was sick i told him my niece and nephew. He asked me why my niece and nephew is with me what are the hidden agenda. So i told him, with honesty that my niece need to spend sometime with me because she is pregnant and i am thinking of adopting the baby (also mentioned to him months ago) if my niece will be ok with it and so is her parents-- niece actually runs away from the guy, it`s her story so i will leave it up to her. This is where he told me that he cannot understand why my niece go fuck around and why not get an abortion. This topic turned into a heated argument. Please if you cannot understand this, i wanted soooo much to be pregnant but i might not be able to concieve. If i can then my lover is very far from me and all he can talk about is abortion. Before i forgot he is a scientist and once told me that because of our health condition 2-3 months of my pregnancy if i will get pregnant i must have an amniocentesis to check if the baby is normal or with abnormalities if abnormal he said i must get an abortion. But i strongly dissagree with this. And now with my niece my sister`s daughter he also wants us to makean abortion? I dont understand why... it hurts me knowing the man i love seems like a monster now. We exchanged a lot of hurtful words until now even writing this my heart bleeds.

After our unfinished convo-- he just log off on me and maybe blocked me also it`s been 1 month and 3 days that i never heard from him. Though i swallowed my pride i did send him at least 2 emails apologizing and telling him how i missed him but still i neevr heard from him again. I send offline messages but still not getting an answer. I did try to ring him but phone just keeps on ringing. Now i wonder what might happened to him? He had heart problem so i am thinking maybe he had an attack or something but until then i dont know what happened to our online lovea affair, we have so many plans, we shared so many dreams, we shared laughters and tears even online but my only dissapointment i wasn`t able to share him my real world, where people can touch and feel and stare in each others eyes. All we had was cyber relationship dreaming and wishing it will be in my real world...

To you my LOVE...

Whenever you have a chance to stumble on this site, and read this article i wanted you to know i never took you for granted. I was loyal and honest to you until the end. I love you and you will always be a part of me, if i have regrets meeting you that would be because i wasn`t able to touch and feel you. If you`ll read this someday i hope you`ll realized that even at certain point we dont agree in one thing it doesnt mean i love you less. I never wish you any ill. How i wish to hear from you again. I love you and will always be.

Your R.

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Comments:
2009/06/08 18:36 - gabu writes:
ok, sorry i am new here and i think i posted in on the wrong category. sorry.
2009/07/20 09:58 - ckarhizma writes:
awww thats what i feel too. i understand what you feel. i had a online relationship too in over a year. br broke up with me and he wants to get his life back on track. we shared dreams , plans too. and i feel so down too :(
2009/07/31 12:55 - Victoria writes:
Realize the guy is completely not trustworthy and has been abusing you for so long ! Wake up !
2009/08/28 12:43 - WanAn writes:
wats with the long distance relationship sheesh ffs it never works out 90% of the time


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