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by : Myatz | written on :04/08/2009 | permalink

For me my Father is already DEAD ...

I've never been so embarrassed

July 15,2009 my father died ... he died and im really depressed. The whole world stop to rotate and it feels so sad to think that ill be living alone. I cried every moment i reminisce things with my father. The laughs our giggles and it really hurt inside and when memories coming back for more the pain grows more inside of me. And you know what's the painful part is? He didnt die on a certain disease nor an accident but he died inside my heart. I don't know what to say. Well, actually i have nothing left to say. I don't have a father anymore. He was numb so much numb ... he is so insensetive about my feelings you know whats the saddest part of his last words? Is whaen he told me that he don't care I was never been a daughter to him i dont have his flesh and blood. Well, who am i anyway? I am just a foster kid when my real mom left me because i am an unwanted child. And she don't want to sacrifice her future just for me. I am a product of sin ! I always try to smile in the crowd just to avoid people asking if im ok. What a bitter smile. He told me that i was too ambitious he told me that i dont have the right to dream. No matter what i do I will always be that poor product of sin and Damn it hurts no matter how hard i cry i still can't forget those words. And you know what i really wonder? because whenever he spill mean things like that i just sleep and forget those things ive heard and consider it as a nightmare and the other day when i wake up? Im ok. But this time is so diffirent cuz whatever i do his words were always there and i can't erase them from my mind there always there to remind me how indiffirent i am. From all those times i suffer i become so vulnerable but now? i woke-up from my nightmare i have to accept my father's death... Now, i won't get hurt anymore cuz deep inside i won't be able to expect from a father. A father that would lift me up when i am at my worst, that would comfort me. a father that would always be there to for me. a father that would protect me. Now... i don't have a father anymore and it hurts of course. Without my father i wold face my day with sorrow. It may not be the best sunrise for me but i will get through a day knowing that my sunset will be better for i know i am no longer hurting ...!

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Comments:
2009/08/05 14:00 - Skygirl writes:
Im so sorry,and ur noy a product of sin(^_^)
2009/08/12 05:21 - Thiskidsastud writes:
You are a beautiful person and you have an amazing Father who loves you more than anything, including His own life. I truly believe that about you and it breaks my heart that you could ever think otherwise. Jeremiah 29:11 says that Gid has a plan for your future that is filled with hope and not pain. You just have to ask Him to show you, and I promise He will.
2009/09/27 23:10 - coolcat373 writes:
WOW i am SOO sorry


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