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by : shamrock1234 | written on :05/04/2009 | permalink

A vent to all those planning two wedding celebrations..You are being tacky!!!

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This a vent towards all the engaged or recently married couples planning on having the small wedding, destination wedding or elopement, taking the congratulations and gifts given to them at that time, then throwing a "real" wedding months and months later.

If you choose to have a destination wedding on a beach somewhere with only yourselves or a few close relatives/friends in attendance then all the power to you, but remember that that is your wedding. That is the way you chose to get married. Do not come back and throw the big white wedding/gift grab with the expensive registry and huge white dress, the massive wedding party, and four course dinner. If you feel the need to celebrate with those who could not make it host a cocktail party at home, with invitations that clearly state no gift is expected. Have the wedding album/movie and pictures from your trip on display as well as any trinkets you may have brought back and share what a beautiful wedding you already had. Do not replace it or cheapen it with a gift grab wedding months later.

Of course I have heard all the arguments from those wanting the best of both worlds. Popular ones include "Well we HAD to do it this way because our grandparents couldn't make the trip but still wanted to see us get married" or "There were just too many people who couldn't afford the trip that wanted to be there with us". I feel these arguments are ridiculous because the obvious solution to the problem would be just to stay home and have the wedding if that is ultimately what you are going to end up doing anyways. When engaged my husband and I considered the option of a destination wedding and discarded it for the very reasons stated above. Instead we incorporated themes from that idea into the wedding we planned at home. Instead of a beach in Maui, we did a beach in a lakeside community at home.

And it is not just some destination wedding couples that seem to commit this etiquette crime.

Many Couples who have eloped, or chose to marry in small civil ceremonies for immigration/legal purposes commit the same faux pas too. My husband was recently asked to be a groomsmen in a wedding for a couple that will be married for almost a year by the time there second wedding day rolls around. This couple got married in August in a cute, intimate, sunset wedding with only a few family members in attendance because she needed to get her green card immediately. There was a cake, a bouquet, and a nice dinner to follow. The bride wore a sweet cocktail dress and the groom a very nice suit. They have since lived the married life with rings and all for months. Now they are asking friends to come to their 150 + person wedding, with a bridal party of sixteen people. They are of course doing a registry, the bride is expecting a bridal shower and of course wedding gifts are expected. Should my husband agree to be in this wedding it will easily cost us over 500 dollars in pre-wedding fare, a tux rental, and gift. I should also mention that this couple already received gifts from friends and family after their first wedding. Instead of going the route this happily married couple has taken I encourage those who have eloped or were married in a small ceremony to see my above suggestion made to those destination wedding goers. A fancy cocktail party, hosted and paid for by you with no expectation of a gift is a great deal more subtle way of celebrating your existing marriage and much better alternative to holding a insincere ceremony pretending your first set of vows never happened.

I could go on for hours about how tacky I feel all of this is and the numerous examples I have of greedy couples who want to have their wedding cake and it too but I will sum up by saying this... I am happy to contribute to any wedding no matter how lavish or cheap, off the wall or conservative it may be. Nothing makes me happier than seeing to people make that commitment to each other. Having said that I beg engaged couples round the world to stop this second wedding/renewal of vows/re-commitment ceremony nonsense. It is tacky, insincere, and diminishes the vows you took the day you actually became a married couple.

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