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by : syirish | written on :09/11/2009 | permalink

nt jst a bad hap but year of badhaps or m i a bad hap?

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year 2009 .... this is da most memorable year of my lyf nt b coz of nething gr8 but sumthing totally cripling fr me im 20 years old ryt nw livin wit my mom lyfs neva seemed more worse.. so ill illustrate my story cronologicaly :it all began nov 14 2008 _the one guy i eva truly loved my best frnd my bf dumped me big tym wit no reason almost indicating dat im nt good lookin enf. nt dat hes gud lookin either . while i ws wit him i ws so mch in luv him dat i lost my focus and performed badly in my half yearly exam not jst datafter our break up i started bunking my industial traing which affected my attendence really badly ..then during dec 13 my ex's birthday i called him 2 wish him he dnt talk n cut da cal saying hes busy totaly crushed i went 2 buy my then best frnd marlboro & vodka but b4meetin them closely my human best frnd called up 2 a house party witout thinkin twice i took their route thre guy whose party it ws is qute popular n quite handsum infact every girl girl i knew in m college had a crush on him sumtym bt dat ws da frst tym i met him i dont no hw but soon we were holin hands and started makin out probably i wanted 2 get over my ex so i then i started livin wit him fr lyk month it ws quite romantic he ws da sweetest guy i eva meet but im also not sure if it ws really luv which he said since every tym his only goal appeared ws a fuck but i always restrained since i didnt lyk him a bit i didnt no wt i ws doin wt him so i broke up on jan 2009 ,feb2009 my grand mom passed away of heart attack i guess da hugest low point of my lyf since she n i were very close , my parents r divorcedmy father left us coz i n my sis r girls n he didnt want daughters 1 of his lame exuses hes quite wealthy but doest give us ne money my mom paid fr my tution ,i feel so sorry fr her all her lyf she neva experianced luv im sure shes always busy wit work though we hav sum stable assets i still want 2 give her all da luxury in da world but i guess ive failed miserably of my own fooly .then came few months of gr8 fun wit frnds mrlboro vodka n human frnds i swear it ws possibly da best fun i eva had then during april i had my finals i worked real hard because i had 2 make up fr my marks i ws so paniced dat i totally messed up my papers i ws totaly doomed ,my ex's roll no.ws jst b4 me so he ws always in frnt of me makin me sad nervous n jst reinforcing me as a giant loser after messin up few papers i ws nervous already soon after exams i went back home it ws all okey our results realease on da first day of college but this year it came out 2 weekslate till then we continued wit studies sumwhere i confident ill make it this tym since im 1 of da good students n always use 2 score well but 2 my huge shoke i failed.i failed in 2 subjects but tecnically we r allowed 2 be promoted further while we reapear those subjects but since my attendence ws low which is accounted as a prime critarian i failed our results r released on notice boards i couldnt stop cryin how mch i hated myself i guess even my so called frnds left as i had 2 leavecollege n reappear fr exams again on cumin april although my teacher responsible fr attendence could hav pardoned me jst lyk she pardoned this other guy wit me jst coz dat guy ws hot n use 2 flirt wit her dat stupid tramp gave him da attaendence gosh hw mch i hate them both. did i tell u my results were released on friday the 13th sumhow dis date hs always fallowed me,brought me bad luck several mortifyin events... u mst b thinkin this post is so long i think so too....so,after cumin back home my mom ws bein real nice 2 me since shes afraid ill fall in 2 depression but lest is said i feel lyk a huge burden on my mom on da world ,humanity ... wt 2 say jst hate livin recently i have developed an infection in my ear n eye im whole face is swollen i look really scary n hav gained almost 24 pounds extra neva been so miserable .not 1 of my frnds cal me ,i can understand they must b busy but 1 call is all dat takes i feel so alone ryt nw but,even though ive failed in exam n it is quite difficult 2 land up wit a decent job on campus selection ,ive still not managed 2 get over my ex , i dont hav frnds, not even marlboro n vodka [never needed them more b4] i still blive all this has happened fr a gud reason n i will make up ,i wont give up or feel sorry fr my self but plz guys help me plz make me feel im not alone i really need frends.......................and a dog tooo .i hav no 1 2 blame but myself but it feels so comfortin 2 let sum1else carry ur burden......but im nt gonna do that ...................

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Comments:
2009/11/09 19:16 - unearthed_sue writes:
girl dat ws 1 hell of n year fr ya!i lyk ur spirit though i agree wit u v should never blame others fr our own faults but wt happened wit u -real sad.don worry im here fr ya
2009/11/09 19:28 - syirish writes:
hey thnx fr replyin,realy felt gud _u no here in india
ppln relatives r so concerned wit every bodies career n lyf theykeep huntin u down .its very hard fr me 2 face them i wish i was neva born i hate every thin n every 1. at times i wish i had million n billions of dollars so dat i could live in my apartment witout goin out eva in dat way i wouldnt need 2 face ne 1 ..... i no i sound lyk a total hopeless physco neways thnx fr readin my soul cries
2009/11/18 14:20 - syirish writes:
y doesnt nebody leave a comment ever ...................... am i so bad .......... i hate my lyf i hate every thing
2013/09/06 03:57 - syirish writes:
well worse things have happened since then...i really am a loser. have no right to live.


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